My Babay Boy

i was very excited and nervious when i found out i was having a baby, but i got over that very fast. I was just happy and then to find out i was having a boy was even better. i was so happy that i for got about the medical things that could come up for us both. i am not the healthiest person so i knew it was going to be a long but well worth it ride..
For the first few months it was smooth sailing for my little one and i. yes, i had regular doctors appointments but that was fine with me. I was happy and nothing could change that. then i hit 16 weeks and everything went to hell.. i a now 22 weeks and baby boy is doing well, considering mom is being put through the ringer but it is all worth it to know that he is doing well and is healthy..
so, for the next 18 weeks or so i will be calling U of C hospital my home..

its been too long...

i just realized that i have not made a blog post since june, and thats just not like me. i have been going through so much and i guess i just really have not had the time, but i have been writing in my personal journal. i have started working then i was off for a while do to " personal" reasons or thats what they like to call it. i have see my sweetie constantly and its going very very well. he makes me happy. he brings out the good in me when others have only uncovered the bad, or the dysfunctional. he is so sweet and giving to me. he takes time to make sure I'm ok even though i am not the kind of person who would ask for help, even when its really needed and or necessary. he has brought the light back into my life, when others have buried it because they only wanted one thing or they just really didn't know how to love or even be honest with me. Since the last time i posted anything i turned the big 30 and at first i was dreading it but I'm learning to love my new found age and the woman i am becoming. i didn't know that it would take me 30yrs and a few boyfriends to finally find the right one for me. i thought i found him when i was 17, than again at 26 and then again at 27 but it took be turning 28 to find the right "buttercup". i love to call him that even though i know he wants me to keep it between us.
enough about my personal and private life, i want to get to the heavy and i want to get back to the things that have been on my mind. I'm not a very political person but i do know that the things that i have been hearing about are way crazy and needs to be changed..
the world at hand and i must say,it is a strange and confusing place to be.. i think we are taking so many things for granted, praying that things will get better if we pour more money into it without doing the work that it takes to make things change.. we are so use to getting what we want and when that we forget that it does take work and i do mean a lot of work. i think that this country is being run by fools not all of them are fools, because i voted for the president and I'm happy with what he is doing and i hope he continues to do great thing. because lets face it he has to fix 8ys worth of crap the "he who will remain nameless caused" and some people think that he is not doing it fast enough, but if you think about it how can he. its not like every thing just came to a halt. the world kept going so before he can fix the past problems he has to make sure he says on top of what's going on right now. there is too much fighting, killing of young innocent children and men and women because of the lack of understanding. i think what's going down in egypt is something we need to look at and learn from them. but in stead we have some that don't know or who could careless. and i think that a shame because what if what's going on there happens here? I'm sure i am not alone when saying that i would want others to care and try to help if they can..
I don;t think god is too happy with his little children and i think he knows that we can and we should do better by each other. god is on our side but first we have to show him that we are worth his time and his faith.. this world needs to change because if it doesn't things are not going to get better and our father above will put us all on trial for not being the best we can be..
I know that this has been all over the place but thats where my mind is right now. all over the place with no particular train of thought just a lot of randomness.. lol, maybe i have ADD or ADHD either way i love who i am, my god loves me and my family loves me so thats all that matters..
xoxox hugs and love

fire and ice

"some say the world will end in fire,Some say in ice.From what I've tasted of desire,I hold with those who favor fire.But if it had to perish twice,I think I know enough of hateTo say that for destruction, ice is also great and would suffice" by Robert frost. I love the fire and ice poem.. I think love is a lot like that.. In the beginning its hot and heavy and full of flame and desire and as it goes on it starts to smolder and turn to cool breezy days.. I must say for me I favor fire because I love the romance and the heat.. I love the feeling when you've been with someone and nothing about the two of you have changed, towards each other at least.. No cold nights and no most of all easy breezy boring days, unless that's what each person wants.. But I have to be honest cool breezy does not sound that bad especially if your looking for ever lasting because let's be honest, no love stays burning. It turns warm, than cool but never cold because once its cold I think that would be a very bad day, week, month, or year.I don't ever want cold love. I don't think any woman I know would want cold love because there is nothing fun about cold, careless, loveless romance..

randomness from me!!

Life can be so conflicting and yet so easy at times.. I have been away from this for way too long and to tell you the truth, I really did miss it.. I missed writing down my thoughts, random acts, life lessons, and of course I miss writing about the people who are in my life..I have been living.. I have been loving.. I have been fighting for the life that I have.. I have been working through the stress of dealing with the things that god has put on me.. I have been learning that not all men in the world are jackass, as one of my friends would put it.. I have learned how to put myself first because I don't want to miss out on anything that I can do..
From September of 09 till now I have been changing, growing, and loving the people and places around me. I have put my trust into the hands of someone I care for very much,and for me that's a very hard thing to do. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, hell sometimes I can't even trust myself with some of the feelings that I have because I don't want to get hurt. But that's just how I am. Never the less, I did it. I let him into my life and into my heart.. And I'm glad I did it because he has made me a very happy young lady.. After all the heartaches and drama,the lies and the cheating and the countless fake I love you's I have found the one person who actually means it when he says it.. The way he looks at me, the way he cares for me and the way he touches me makes me feel like I'm alive.. He shocks me every day because he is not at all my type, but for some reason I feel drawn to him.. There is something about him that makes me feel safe.. Hell he even makes me forget about the medical problems that I have because they don't faze him.. He treats me as if there's nothing wrong.. He let's me do things on my own and at my own pase.. He also knows when I'm over worked and that's when he tells me to sit my little ass down and rest.. When I'm with him in not shy about being me.. I let go and let lose.. I can be me because he makes me feel comfortable enough to drop the outer layer of me and show him the women that he knows is in me.. He prays with me.. He goes to church with me, even tho we have to rush back for football some Sundays. We have a open and honest relationship with one another.. We give and take. We share are wants and needs with each other and then we come up with ways were we both get what we want.we are like oil and water but when we are around each other we mix perfectly.. I have wonder family and friends who care for me and who are glad to see me happy for a change..
I keep thinking about one of my friends and what she told me, she said "that I deserve this, that I deserve to be happy after the last two years of hell that I have been through" and she was and is right. I do deserve to be happy and loved by someone who loves me the way I love him, who treats me the way I treat him, and who respects me the way a woman should be respected.. I told my friend that she deserves it too.. I told her you have to go through the bad apples to find the one that is just right for you.. Her and I both had a bad couple of years but I think things are starting to turn around for the best..
I'm a year older. I'm a year wiser.. I'm open to the feeling of love and trust and I like it.. 29yrs old and I feel like a child when I think about the good things that god has planned for me.. He has brought such a sweet person into my life and I'm thankfull every day.. And yes I know, he might not last, it might not stick and I might get hurt in the end but at least I am to finding out.. I get that from my friend to,I'm always waiting for the other side of him to show me how much of an ass he can be and how much I'm willing to put up with..so untill that other side shows up I will continue to be happy..
That enough of my randomness for one night. Hugs. Kisses. And remember sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you..!