it has been awhile

I know that i should keep this more up to date, but what can i say other things come first. I think that things in my life tend to be way to complicated to understand if you are not in my life. My friends tend to tell me that i am to over dramatic about my health, but i don't understand how they can say something when they are not living with what i am. I know that people might think I am the type of person that can deal with things as they fall, because i don't complain about what happens to me and i don't ball up like a baby when i am not feeling well. I like to look at my life as an open window. There could be a cold breeze and i am in pain or there could be a warm breeze and i feel really good. I never have the same day twice. I am a open book of feelings and pain. However, i am not an open book about talking about what i am going through. Someone in my family let me listen to something that i thought was very funny and yet very true. the recording said that "life could always suck more".

can i live

well, i think the statement above can cause people to worry about me, but there is no need to worry. when i say can i live, what i mean is that can i live in peace with out the fear of being judged? can i do what i want with out being told how i should and should not act? people have been telling me that i should not do some of the thing that i do, but i feel that as a 26 year old female i have the right to live my life the way i feel is best for me. i have my share of problems that others think they can help me with, but what they don't know is that some of the problems that i have can not be fixed. these are the problems that i have to live with and deal with on my own. i have to except the fact that i will not live the way others want me to and i will not be the person they want me to be. i have to learn my limitations and only do what can do. i just hope what i can live up with what i can do.

i have finally found peace.

it has been a long time coming and i think that, no i know that it is about time. i have finally moved into a place of my own. That's why i have not been posting anything new. i thought that i should concentrate on finding a place to crash was more important. So, now that i have found it i can get back to my life. i have found that living alone is so much more peaceful and lonesome, but i don't think that is a bad thing. i like being on my own. i like being able to do what i wont when i want. i also love the fact that if i want some one to visit me i don't have to worry about what other people might think. i am a 26 year old female and i think that having my own space is a very good thing not only for my health, but for my personal and financial situation.
well i think that is it for know. i will be up dating this as i go. so, wish me luck

Well here i go . wish me luck.

OK, i have been told by many people and one person in particular that i need to make a change. this person has told me that a change can make a big difference in the way you life is going. i like change, don't get me wrong, but i like to have things in a certain order. i like to know where i am going and who is going to be there when i get there. i am the kind of person how does not like the unexpected. however, i am not totally against it.
i think a change is a good thing and i also think that it is time for a change in my life. Well i don't know when i am going to make this change, but i must say it is going to be a change that no one will see coming.

If you know me you know how i am

well, some people have told me that i need to keep this blog up dated so, here i go. i know that it has been a while, but there is nothing new to really report about. i am doing as good as can be expected in school and i think everything is going good for me on the medical front. well except for the little accident that i had last week i feel and sprained my right wrist, but other than that i think i am good. it has been brought to my attention by a few friends that i push people away. I have also been told that i pull away from the people that i love and i think that this is a problem that i need to fix. i don't know why i do it, it just happens to me. i find my self not calling or talking to the people that mean the most to me. i think it has something to do with the fact that i think they will leave me in the end. i have this thing where i don't want to be left behind so i leave them before they have the chance to leave me first.

i know that they love me and i hope they know that i love them. i just have a hard time letting people in. i have a hard time trusting people even-though they are my family. i think that when someone you are supposed to trust lets you down everything else tends to shut down. i try to be more open with the way i am feeling, but somethings are hard to change.

Angel

i have an angel by my side and i am happy for that. i have an angel who is always there for me even when they don't know it. i have an angel who keeps me safe and secure in my time of need. i have an angel whom i will always need.

what happens when we make choices

they all say what will be will be, well i think they are right. i think some of the things that we do in our lives are out of our hands. the choices that we make and the things that we do have consequences in our lives. they can be good or bad it all depends on what we do.
we all go out an enjoy our selves. we meet new people who we think will be good for us, but they turn out to be nothing more than trouble. we try new things that people say will be fun, but we end up getting hurt in the process.
i think life is life we all learn lessons and we have to deal with the consequences of our actions
so i say live safe and play safe, but don't forget to have fun while you are at it.

listen

people think that you don't have to listen. well i think they are wrong
you have to listen to your heart, mind, and above all you listen to your soul.
listening to what your body is telling you is something that i think we all should do.
listening to your heart is something that i think can be a little hard, because it can be conflicting with what your mind is telling you. when you listen to your mind you are more likely to do the right thing, and have things turn out a little better. if you listen to your soul i think you will be a happier person. so the question is what do you listen to, your heart, mind, or soul. if you chose one how do you know that that is the right one to listen to at that time?