If you know me you know how i am

well, some people have told me that i need to keep this blog up dated so, here i go. i know that it has been a while, but there is nothing new to really report about. i am doing as good as can be expected in school and i think everything is going good for me on the medical front. well except for the little accident that i had last week i feel and sprained my right wrist, but other than that i think i am good. it has been brought to my attention by a few friends that i push people away. I have also been told that i pull away from the people that i love and i think that this is a problem that i need to fix. i don't know why i do it, it just happens to me. i find my self not calling or talking to the people that mean the most to me. i think it has something to do with the fact that i think they will leave me in the end. i have this thing where i don't want to be left behind so i leave them before they have the chance to leave me first.

i know that they love me and i hope they know that i love them. i just have a hard time letting people in. i have a hard time trusting people even-though they are my family. i think that when someone you are supposed to trust lets you down everything else tends to shut down. i try to be more open with the way i am feeling, but somethings are hard to change.