I wish i were numb

I wish i were numb! I wish i could not feel the things that linger in my mind. I have not cried like this such a very long time and i don't know why i did last night. I was having a quiet time like i always do. I don't think anything was different about what i was doing or even how i was feeling but for some reason i started to cry. I was praying and all of a sudden it was like everything that had been pint up in me was let go and i felt like i could not breath. It was like the flood gates were open and i had to just let it all out and i did that for about 2hrs. My heart was literally hurting. I felt like i was so alone and i don't even know why. When i pray it is normally for my family, friends, peace, health, and what ever else is on my mind at the time. I am not a selfish person in any way but last night that's how i felt. I wanted the pain that i felt to go away. I wanted the feelings that i had to go away so that i could have some kind of peace but when i finally stoped all i felt was sadness. There was no anger, bitterness, there was just sadness. When i woke up this morning i felt the same way. I can feel this overwhelming sadness in me. I feel like at any moment i am going to break down and just let what ever is in me out.That's why i decide to write this, because i thought maybe if i put it into words it would make me feel a little better. I just realized that it is not making me feel better or worse, it is just making me feel.

-x