I have this over whelming fear of ill contentment. i don't know why, i just do. i feel like the walls of my life are closing in on me and i cant seem to catch my breath. I feel sad and at the same time i am happy and yes to some of you that might seem a little crazy. I have this sickening feel that i can not shake but i know that i am a very strong woman and i can over come anything. I am a pacifist at heart and i don't think that anyone or anything can change that about me, but i could be wrong if pushed too far. Lately i have had this feel distance from myself. I feel like i am not being true to me and the person that i want to be. I have a gift and at the same time i think it is some kind of curse. i can make people feel better about them selves and whats going on in their lives, but when it comes to pleasing me and making me happy, its like i am speaking to a complete stranger. I have to earn to let go and let things be. I pray when i am down but sometime that does not help. I sing and i feel like the world is listening to me and i am free. I dance because it takes the energy that i have left over in me when i can not rest. I have come to realize that i am blessed to have the things that i want and people who love me, but that is not enough. I still have the feeling in me like there is a piece missing from my heart.
