Getting the bad news out the way sucks, even when you know it was inevitable.

OK, i could not sleep, because i had somethings on my mind. I know it is late but what can i say when my mind gets going, i cant stop it. I tried to work out to get the thoughts or stress out of my mind, but that really did not work.


When i am stressed i find my self being a little sleep deprived. I know that might not be the most healthiest thing but that's how i am. I tried to sleep, but that just had me tossing and turning. I got up and turned on my music and worked out for about 2hrs. When i got done i felt more awake than ever. I wanted to call someone to vent but i did not know who to call. So, i decided to blog it. I am going out this weekend with someone who i did not expect to hear from anymore and i don't know whats going to happen. Everything in me is telling me that is it not going to be good, and to be honest that's no surprise to me. I just wish it could be over like i thought it was any way. Why cant he just man up and tell me over the phone what i already knew? Why does he fill like he has to take me out to "officially" end it. When it has been over for a while now.


I am not saying that i have moved on, but i have gotten over the hurt a little. Why does he feel the need to make me hurt anymore? Why cant he just let things be? I think part of him wants me to act like a fool in public and the other part thinks he think i will fight to stay with him. If that's the case he is going to get a rude awakening. I might act a fool, but i don't want to be with him anymore.


I have one rule and that is, once you hurt me to the point when i want to cry all day and constantly, that's it and i am done with you. I might forgive later on down the road but i will never forget.


I guess i am getting what i deserve, because every bone in my body told me that he would hurt me, but he was so sweet, kind, and patient with me that i gave him a chance anyway. Look where that got me, no where special.


I know god has a plan for me, but why i am binging put through so much, when i am such a sweet and good person? I just want to scream sometimes!


A part of me wants to say fuck it( sorry for the bad words but when i am pissed that's what happens) but that's not me. I want to act like a bitch, because that's what guys seem to like. I say that because when you are nice to them they treat you like a door mat. I refuse to change the way i am! i am going to stay true to myself and maybe one day i will find the guy who will appreciate me for me, not for the person that i am not. .