Dazed and Confused

Dazed and confused, i keep my mind on the things that i want, but sometimes it is so hard to stay straight. I keep falling but i pick myself back up again and just when i think i have my balance, down i go again. I try to keep my composure and let people see the things in me that i want them to see. I have strict rules on how i live my life and how i play my games. I don't do things that i use to, because i think i am too old for the bull, but lets face it sometimes going out and dancing with strangers has its advantages after a stressful week. Praying helps, but sometimes it is not enough. I have forgotten what it is like to go out and lose myself in the music. I am a lot more careful about the things that i do know, because i want to be a respectful young lady. I miss the rush of meeting new people that i don't have anything in common with but, that night we danced until 2 am. Its not about sex, because i don't do such things with strangers and i still don't, but a kiss sometimes here and there is not that bad. I have met some of my best friends dancing the night a way, and you know what, they have turned out to be really cool people during the daylight hours.

Sometimes i miss my Gothic days, because i think then i was much happier. I think at that point in my life, i had more fun and did not care what people thought of me. I was in my black, purple and blue from head to toe and you know what, i was so comfortable that way. My plaid skirts and black shirts with tall heeled boots mad me feel so free...I would get up and sing and let all my feelings come out of me and that's when my voice showed through. I still had my faith back then, its just i did not focus on it that much. I went to church on Sundays and choir practice three days a week and i was never late, rude, and you know what i was always happy to be there. I went to catholic schools and during the day i was a sweet girl, but my friends and i thought that we could be bad at night. I had my fare share of fun and games and now when i look back i am great full that i did not follow through with some things, because if i did i don't think i would miss it today.

Dazed and confused, that's where i am at this point of my life. I am a sweet girl that has a fun dark side, without evil intentions. I just like to dress my own way and sing with out any regret. As i think about it more i don't think i would have the job that i have or the friends that i have, because i don't think they would be so excepting of me in that way.  

I love my life. Well, sometimes i do. If you come to my home at night, i promise  you these two things and only these, you will catch me singing and getting my voice back to were it use to be and cooking, because that's what i love to do.

To end my night i say a prayer and have an hour of quiet time before bed.

As i go back over this i realized that i am more dazed about how much i have changed then confused.