i am very pissed off

I don't know if it is my mood or what but for some reason everyone has been pushing my buttons today. it is about 12:36am and i am just now getting home, don't get me wrong, i don't mind being out late but when i say i am not feeling well that's what i mean. i hate it when people try to talk over me like i am not even there or like they don't give a damn about my feelings. i am a sweet person, so why do people who say they love me choose to dismiss me. i have not been this upset in a long time and i don't like it at all. i have kept my temper under control for a long time now but when you push me a little to far everything goes out the window and i forget that i am a good person. i was with this person tonight (a family member) and i just wish i would have stayed in my house, because i have had a very good week and this was a very bad way to end it. i try to make everyone happy but i cant help it when i am not really in the mood to be in a car for hours on end and going places where i don't want to go. i hate it when some people make me feel like i have been avoiding them when i don't want to see them every damn day. i don't think that makes me a bad person it just means i have a life. family is suppose to love you know matter what you do or who you are, but i guess i only have one half that does. i am loving, caring, compassionate , and a very understanding person. i try to make time for everyone but there is only so much i can do and i hate to be pushed or forced into a situation that i don't want to be in. don't make me feel bad because i did not call every day! don't criticize me when i say i had something else to do! don't tell me that i don't want to be around you when you know you are the reason for my unhappiness! don't tell me that i am ungrateful and that i only come around when i want something from you, because that is a lie! lastly, don't and i repeat don't take me for granted, don't call me selfish, and don't tell me that i am a user because i am not. i just had to get this off my chest before i went to sleep, because you know what they say " never go to bed mad". so, to that i will say goodnight and i love you all. Keep me in your prayers
-xxxx

can you feel this

i know that it is late but i could not sleep, because i heard something that made me think of a few people. i thought that this would be a great place to say what i need to say. so, if yo think this fits you then great but if not i think you might like it anyway.
Can you feel this- by Bethany Joy Galeotti
It's gotta be this one,You don't have to fake it You know I can take it What if I told you your tears haven't been ignored And everything that was taken can be restored
Chorus:Feel this.Can you feel this My heart beating out of my chest.Feel this Can you feel this Salvation, under my breath
It's gotta be disguised Soul and script Chord and lyrics What if I told you that innocence is yours And the beauty you have now is brighter than before
Chorus:Feel this.Can you feel this My heart beating out of my chest.Feel this Can you feel this Salvation, under my breath
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go
Chorus:Feel this.Can you feel this My heart beating out of my chest.Feel this Can you feel this Salvation, under my breath
i have found that music has help me get through some tough times in life and i thought that this song could be added to my list and maybe yours. i think it is sweet and it made me feel better and it helped me get the voice back that i have been missing. it is a short song but i think it is sweet and maybe it can make you feel better.
don't be afraid of your feelings because if you are you might be missing out on some great ones.

to help you better understand me and the way i think

there are a rules that i live by to make my life go as easy as possible.
i live my life for my self and no one else. i do what i want to do, because that's the only way i feel i can be happy. i pray for the things that i want and need in my life and i sit back and wait for them to come to me. i know that there are things in life that you can not force or foresee but i guess only time will tell. i try to help my friends the best way i can. i do the right things and i only hope that people will follow in my footsteps. i am a good person inside and out and i feel that i should only do what is best for me and the people that i care about. i am loving but i don't love everyone and that keeps me safe. i plan for things that i might have to deal with in the future, because no one knows what is coming around the corner. i keep my feelings inside but i have found that on here i can say what is really on my mind. so, if you know me and you really think that you know what kind of person i am, i think that you will know why i am writing this. so, if you want keep checking back with my blogger and who knows, you might just learn all the thing that you have wanted to know about me.
-xoxoxo

the heart of the matter of learning

1-learning to live with the choices that we make in our lives.
2-learning to speak up for what we want in our lives.
3-learning to live with out people that we have lost in our lives.
4-learning that we never stop learning.
5-learning that we have control over our lives and only ours
6-learning to forgive the people that has caused us harm or pain.
7-learning to love with out being over baring.
8-learning to let go of the things that we need to let go of.
9-learning to love your self when others don't.
10-learning that you cant make people love you
11-learning that forgiveness and letting go is better than not forgiving and holding on
-xoxo

Have you ever felt like something was getting ready to change?

i don't know why but for the last couple of day i have had this feeling of change. i don't know if it is a good thing or not but i know that something is about to change. i don't know if it is for me or someone in my life. i just have this feeling in me that something is not right. i know that change is good and that everything can not stay the same way forever. i just wish i knew what it was and who it will affect. there are things in this world that we have no control over and that we can not change, we just have to sit back and see what will happen. i just wish i knew why i had this feeling and wish it would go away. i can feel it and i don't know what it is but i know that something is coming. i guess i have to be patient and see if i am right. if i am right a change is just around the corner.

my song of the day (lightning crashes- by live)
xoxoxo