I wish i were numb

I wish i were numb! I wish i could not feel the things that linger in my mind. I have not cried like this such a very long time and i don't know why i did last night. I was having a quiet time like i always do. I don't think anything was different about what i was doing or even how i was feeling but for some reason i started to cry. I was praying and all of a sudden it was like everything that had been pint up in me was let go and i felt like i could not breath. It was like the flood gates were open and i had to just let it all out and i did that for about 2hrs. My heart was literally hurting. I felt like i was so alone and i don't even know why. When i pray it is normally for my family, friends, peace, health, and what ever else is on my mind at the time. I am not a selfish person in any way but last night that's how i felt. I wanted the pain that i felt to go away. I wanted the feelings that i had to go away so that i could have some kind of peace but when i finally stoped all i felt was sadness. There was no anger, bitterness, there was just sadness. When i woke up this morning i felt the same way. I can feel this overwhelming sadness in me. I feel like at any moment i am going to break down and just let what ever is in me out.That's why i decide to write this, because i thought maybe if i put it into words it would make me feel a little better. I just realized that it is not making me feel better or worse, it is just making me feel.

-x

Love 2

Have you loved someone with all your heart? Have you ever given them the trust that you thought you could never give to another in that special way? Have you ever fallen for a person so hard and so fast that you thought that you were going crazy? Well i have been feeling that way lately. I don't know when it happened but i do know that it crap up on me. I guess i am saying this because i am the kind of person that likes to see and know when things are happening. I am the type of woman who wants to know when she is loved by the man that she is with. I guess that when it comes too soon i get a little sketchy about it. I wonder if the feeling are coming from a true place or if they are trying to get something from me. I think i am going to have to let those thought go because not all men are like that. I have to let my emotions free to feel the things that i want to feel. I know that i have to live my life the way that god wants me to and i am happy to do that. I know i can not control my emotions but i can control my actions and i am glad that this person knows this and respects me for this.
This is just something that i read and made me think
Blessed ( happy,fortunate,to be envied) is the man whom you choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in your courts! He shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, your holy temple.