the un-known

I have this over whelming fear of ill contentment. i don't know why, i just do. i feel like the walls of my life are closing in on me and i cant seem to catch my breath. I feel sad and at the same time i am happy and yes to some of you that might seem a little crazy. I have this sickening feel that i can not shake but i know that i am a very strong woman and i can over come anything. I am a pacifist at heart and i don't think that anyone or anything can change that about me, but i could be wrong if pushed too far. Lately i have had this feel distance from myself. I feel like i am not being true to me and the person that i want to be. I have a gift and at the same time i think it is some kind of curse. i can make people feel better about them selves and whats going on in their lives, but when it comes to pleasing me and making me happy, its like i am speaking to a complete stranger. I have to earn to let go and let things be. I pray when i am down but sometime that does not help. I sing and i feel like the world is listening to me and i am free. I dance because it takes the energy that i have left over in me when i can not rest. I have come to realize that i am blessed to have the things that i want and people who love me, but that is not enough. I still have the feeling in me like there is a piece missing from my heart.

letting my heart free

Someone once said "with every new life there is a new beginning." i wonder if that's a true statement? I wonder if a new life can bring forth forgiveness and a new trust? I am the kind of person that believes that everything happens for a reason and that if it is not meant to be then it wont be. I also wonder, can friends forgive when they know that you have done something that can change your life forever? Can your true friends be the bigger person and stand by you when other people put you down? I hope so, because i need those kind of people in my life. I need people in my life that i can trust and know that they will stand by me no matter what i do or say. I need true friends not fake. I need people who will call and check up on me when they think i need to hear a friendly voice. That's just me and that's what has been on my heart. i just wanted let it out.