Getting the bad news out the way sucks, even when you know it was inevitable.

OK, i could not sleep, because i had somethings on my mind. I know it is late but what can i say when my mind gets going, i cant stop it. I tried to work out to get the thoughts or stress out of my mind, but that really did not work.


When i am stressed i find my self being a little sleep deprived. I know that might not be the most healthiest thing but that's how i am. I tried to sleep, but that just had me tossing and turning. I got up and turned on my music and worked out for about 2hrs. When i got done i felt more awake than ever. I wanted to call someone to vent but i did not know who to call. So, i decided to blog it. I am going out this weekend with someone who i did not expect to hear from anymore and i don't know whats going to happen. Everything in me is telling me that is it not going to be good, and to be honest that's no surprise to me. I just wish it could be over like i thought it was any way. Why cant he just man up and tell me over the phone what i already knew? Why does he fill like he has to take me out to "officially" end it. When it has been over for a while now.


I am not saying that i have moved on, but i have gotten over the hurt a little. Why does he feel the need to make me hurt anymore? Why cant he just let things be? I think part of him wants me to act like a fool in public and the other part thinks he think i will fight to stay with him. If that's the case he is going to get a rude awakening. I might act a fool, but i don't want to be with him anymore.


I have one rule and that is, once you hurt me to the point when i want to cry all day and constantly, that's it and i am done with you. I might forgive later on down the road but i will never forget.


I guess i am getting what i deserve, because every bone in my body told me that he would hurt me, but he was so sweet, kind, and patient with me that i gave him a chance anyway. Look where that got me, no where special.


I know god has a plan for me, but why i am binging put through so much, when i am such a sweet and good person? I just want to scream sometimes!


A part of me wants to say fuck it( sorry for the bad words but when i am pissed that's what happens) but that's not me. I want to act like a bitch, because that's what guys seem to like. I say that because when you are nice to them they treat you like a door mat. I refuse to change the way i am! i am going to stay true to myself and maybe one day i will find the guy who will appreciate me for me, not for the person that i am not. .

27 years

As i look back over the past 27 years of my life, i realized that i have not done most of the things that i thought i would have done by now. traveling is one of those things and i must say that the only one i have stayed true to. I think that's they only thing i knew i would be doing at this point. I just did not know that i would be doing it alone.

I looked at some of the changes that i have made and realized that i am kind of happy that i am not where i thought i would be. I think that if not for some of the bad, i would be in a place where there would be no happiness. Where i would probably be a smoker and more of a drinker. I also know that the "too nice Tiffany" would no longer exist.

I thought i would be married by now, and i could have been but that would have been the most hateful and abusive marriage. I thought i would have kids by now and i would have had kids but i would not have wanted them to grow up in that kind of house hold. I would still be working and that's the only thing that i would be happy about. I would still have my faith in god but i would always be asking why.

I think it is funny how life can change in a blink of an eye. I mean all it took was one day a few years ago to change how my life is today. Do i regret what happened? I do but when i think about what could have been i am sorry to say i don't. Am i sorry that i finally stood up for myself not knowing what was going to happen next? No, because i am not a fighting person but when you push me too hard and too far i push back. If i could go back and do it all over again would i? Yes, because with out those experiences i would not be me. I would not be the person that stands up for her self and i would not know the people who have come into my life since.

So, 27 years and i have lived through pain,loss,deep depression, abuse, and a loveless heart. I have found out who i truly am and the kind of woman that i want to be but if not for those things i don't know if i could say that.

So, look back over your life and ask your self are you at the place where you thought you would be? Are you happy at this point in your life? Are there any significant things that happened to you, that made you the person that you are today?

What does your mirror tell you about you?

Have you ever taken a long look at your self in a mirror, if so what did you see? Was it a hansom or beautiful person, or was it someone that you did not recognise? What qualities make up who you are? Is is your good heart,kindness,your generosity, or is it your faith?
Close your eyes and look deep into your heart and try to see the goodness with in. Don't look at your self and only see the negative parts, look at the ones that make up who you are as a person. Look at the positive things that you have done with your life and for the people you love. Never let people make you feel like you are worthless, because we are all worth something to someone. However, you should never want to come across as an argent person either, because if you do you will forever be alone.
Take another look at your self and see the person that you want to be, is that person a god fearing person or a person without morals? Is that person full of hate, forgiveness, or self sacrifice?
Look into your brown, blue,green, or black eyes do you see a lost soul behind those eyes looking for salvation or do you see a lost child looking for love from another.
When i look into the mirror i see a woman who has been hurt,lied to, and betrayed by the people who claim to love me. I see a woman who has been pushed so close to the edge that, at any moment i could snap and become a person that people don't believe i could be. I am a loving person not a person who likes to fight.
If i could change one thing about me, that would be nothing. I like the person that i am, don't get me wrong i don't think i am perfect in any way. When i look at my self i see a person that people can trust. I see a good friend and a very good listener. I just wish some of my friends would stop treating me like i am a fragile doll. If anything I want my friends to treat me like i treat them. I want them to tell me whats going on in their lives without thinking that they are changing the way i think of them.
When i look at my self i see kindness, but don't forget that i am not angel. I know how to break people if need be and i know how to handle myself against the foolishness of this world.
This is how i see myself when i look in the mirror.So, tell me what do you see in your self?

why are men so complicated?

I think open communication is not too much to ask for, in fact i think it is the cornerstone to any relationship. Honesty and trust is another big thing in any relationship and i think it is a must. Keeping an open mind and heart can do wonders, if you are deserving. Making others feel like they have done something wrong, when it is you who are making the mistakes just makes you look like an ass. When i say relationship i am not just talking about dating, i am also talking about friendships. How do you expect for people to want to be around you when you treat them like they are worthless.
This goes for men and women, you should treat people the way that you would want to be treated. Let them know that you are a person that they can count on. Let them know that know matter what they tell you that you will be there for them and never turn away. Friends are hard to find, and for some of us they are hard to keep, so when you think you have found a good friend let them know.
Talking and sharing your feelings with another person can do wonders. It can make you feel better and it will make your friend feel like they made a difference in your life. Locking your self down just because you think you can is not acceptable in any situation. Binging rude and inconsiderate to the people in your life is just another way of saying that you don't and probably never gave a damn.
Take me for example-In the relationship that i was in, it started off so sweet and wonderful. It almost seemed to good to be true. I guess i was right, because when we were pushed and put into a situation of grief and pain. i found out that all men, including the one i was with, are just babies and they don't know how to handle them selves under pressure. Men seem to think that it is easier to blame others for what they do.
They think it is ok to say that they only did something, because you (the woman) wanted to. I think that is a cop-out and a selfish way to be. Like i said before men are like big kids looking for a mother. They say they want to be loved, but are they willing to love back? I think so but on there own terms. They say they are good men, but you just have to deal or put up with there shit until they decide on who they want to be with. Is that right? Hell no, because we are all adults and we should know what we want and if not we need to think before we jump.
Women have feelings and sometimes they do get the best of us, but nine times out of ten we have a right to be emotional. Do we want attention from the man that we are with or our male friends? Yes, but not so much when it feels like we are being smothered. Do we need honesty and respect? Yes, because with out that what else do we have. Women can we give our selves to men fully? No, because just when you think it is safe to let down the wall, they do something dumb. Women do we want to give a man everything that we have? Yes, because that's how we are. We want to love passionately,unconditionally, and we want the man that we are with to know that they have all of us.
To all the women out there keep a few things in mind, and remember that things do get better in time.
1.we are all special and we deserve the best not the lest from a man.
2.Don't expect something from a man when you know that he is incapable of it.
3.Don't feel bad when you fall for the ass of the world, just look at it as a learning experience. 4.Lastly don't give up, because mister right is out there, he just has not let you yet.
5.Have a little faith that one day you will be happy