What's on my mind...

To live, love, hate, to have faith you really need to know yourself and the person that god wants you to be. God made us all just the way he wanted us to be. He made the good, the bad, the crazy, the beautiful and the ugly. He made us so that we all can be different.. But I often wonder, if he makes the crazy why does he put them off on the sane.? You know what, I don't even want to know.. I have one two many crazy people in my life and the funny thing is they don't know they are crazy, but I see it in them.. I see the strange way they act and how they treat other people and let me tell you its not cool by any means..I ask god over and over why does he put such people in our lives, and I can only come up with three options. 1. They are in our lives to make us stronger 2. That we can make them better 3. Maybe its just a test to find out what we are made of, either way it is so not fair. I'm getting tired of dealing with people who don't want, need or accepts my friendship. I keep finding crazy and I don't know why. I'm not crazy in anyway. I have my own silly way of thinking and being. I am shy, silly, strange and oddly offset but that's just the way god made me. I have been praying to be free of the crazy in my life. I have been praying for peace of mind know that I can walk away and I will be fine.. So untill my prayers are answered I will deal with the drama. Untill I know and feel its time, I will hold on because that's the kind of person I am...

Why we change....

Why is it that some guys think that you should change just for them? I'm sorry to say but that's not how it works. We change, and that's if we change at all, when we feel you have earned it. Guys want us to be all lovie dovie from the get go and that not happening. They want you to tell them how you feel about them and what you see haopening in the future. What guys don't seem to get is that when you have been hurt one to many times, your wall goes up and it stays up. We will let that wall down when we feel safe or when we think we can trust the person we are with. And after you have been hurt by someone you trusted, its something that's hard for you to do again.
Why can't they just enjoy what ever you are giving them? Why are they in such a hurry to kno what's in our heads? I don't know. But I do know this 9 out of 10 once you do that's when they hit the ground running. They think they want to kno how we feel and granted some really do, but others just want to kno for their own egos. Some men feel like once they have you, then they have wone some kind of game. What they don't know is that that is what makes us cold and damn near heartless.
I read the book " act like a woman and think like a man" and I loved it. It was so true on many points. It has made me take a long look at my self and how I am with men and how I once was. I was the sweet girlfriend the one who would cook and take care. I was the one who was always there when they needed me. I bent and twisted to make a man happy. I let down my guard and told them how I felt and in the end I was the one who was hurt. Now no more nice sweet tiff. I'm not going to be mean but if you want from me then your going to have to earn it. I don't trust men because I lied to and I know too many who can't be, so I figure why bother. I know there are still a few nice guys out there and I'm sorry, because they will suffer because of the damage other men have caused. I know a lot of women who feel this way and it sucks because we all want to be happy but we have to go through hell to find that.
My friend called me a true capricorn and I agree with him. I did tell him that I was not always that way. I found that if you make them work harder then they will show you how they feel by their actions.

8-12-2009

Have you ever had one of those days when you just wanted to chuck it all away? When you felt like no matter what you do, nothing seems to go your way. Well I have those days all the time. I tend to keep my feelings balled up inside untill I just can't take anymore and I explode. I'm just like everyone else in this crazy world. I have my stresses and my fears. I have my worries and my lack of. I just feel that if I put them on others, then that will push them away. So I shut my mouth and smile for the "cam." I hold my breath and count to ten and pray that that works for me in the end. But as of lately I have been getting tired of holding back what and how I feel.
If you know me, you know its hard for me to be open and free. Its hard for me to seek out from other what I can't find myself. Its hard for me to say I have to or that I even want to talk about something that's going on with me. I don't think its a pride thing. I think its more of feeling like I'm not incontrol or capable of dealing with my own life. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I have friends and family that I can talk to, but sometimes I think it can get alittle old saying the same things over and over. It can also get annoying when the person that your trying to talk to, only cares about them selves and no one else. Life is hard enough with haveing to waste time talking to an uncaring person.
So I have found a better way to express my self, to say how I feel, and to let go of the anger. I found my outlet and my peace of mind. My journal has become that place where all my dreams are kept and my love will never end. Its my portable heart. No has read it or at least I hope they have not. Its that place where all my thoughts go and I know that no matter what I tell my journal it will never judge or turn its back on me. We all need something like that, a place to keep what we need to let out without ever telling a soul. Because when we talk to those we love, we tend to use a filter but when we write it out everything goes and nothing is held back.
I feel at peace knowing that I do have my friends and family that I can talk to when needed and I love them for that. But I also have a place where I can write and see for myself that just by letting it all out Its just the same as telling them and also gives me some kind of mental peace.

So what's your inner most secrete? What's the one problem you would never tell anyone? What makes you cry? What makes you laugh? What is the one thing you would give anything for? Tell me or don't but try putting it into words on paper and you might be surprized about what the answers might be.

Wants vs Needs!!

We all have things that we "want" but we get that twisted with what we really need. We all want that perfect job that makes the stress worth it. We all want that love that will complete us and make us feel wanted. We all want to know that we are capable of doing for ourselves without the help of others. We want that perfect man or woman. We want that perfect house or car. We want to have that perfect family that others look to as example. We want, we want, but what do we really need? What will really make us happy? Hell if I knew that I would be out there getting or doing anything to get what I want.
There is nothing wrong with wanting those things but sometimes, its not what we want, its what we need that will make us happy.
If you have a job that you like and can put up with, be happy because some can't find one. If you have a home that is safe and warm and keeps you off the streets, be happy because some people don't have a place to call home. If you have someone that loves you even with all your faults, be happy and love them back. Tell them how you feel about them. I know they might not be your idea of "perfect" but they will love you more than anyone else will or could. If you have your right mind to take care of your self, be willing to help those who need a little help. Because who knows, you might be in their shoes one day. If you have the means to fend for yourself and your family be thankful and respect those who are trying there hardest to get to where you are in life.
So stop crying I want, I want and start thinking about what you need and already have but don't even realize it.
Your needs are or they should be simple and sweet. To be loved, happy, healthy, understood, cared for and to be blessed with your needs to get by in this world.
Like I said we all have wants but are they really more important than or needs? No, I don't think so.

Hmmmmm it has got to go

I find it funny how life is just one big double standred. Men can get away with doing so much and hurt so many but when women do, its the end of the world. Men can date 1,2,3 or even 4 women at a time, but when we women do it we get looked down on or called names. Men can have women over at ungodly hours and its cool but again if women do it, it can only mean one thing. I think that if a woman is going to sleep with a guy or do what ever, that's just what she is going do. Women don't play games when it comes to that. I know I don't and the women that I know don't play those games either. The man is the one that plays the games and try to make it seem like it was our choice. They are the ones creeping around trying to figure out how to get us into bed without looking like the ones who wanted to do it.
Another thing, If a guy wants to take his girl on a mini vacation he can but if the girl just wants to go away for the weekend with her friend oh no, that can't be. I think that's a bunch of crap. That double standerd crap has got to go. Men just don't get it, just because they might not be able to keep their hands to them selves that does not mean that women are the same way. Men think that just because they are doing something that they probably should not be doing then women are aswell. But you know what if they are then so be it! Who cares! We are all grown ups or we should be. We all know what we can and can not handle.
Myself, I love spending time with my friend Kyle because he gets me. We can chill together and be at ease with eachother. I trust him completly. We can sleep in the bed together, we can get drunk together, and we even cuddle sometimes. That's what I love about him. I can be me and don't have to worry. We went away together and we had fun. We had good old clean fun. Yes. We did have to much to drink but we still had fun. We are friends and that's it. Hell I started to cry for some random reason and he held me while I slept. Know that's a sweet guy.
So I say these crazy as double standreds have to go. And they have to go now!

Taken from my journal- life

Life comes in many forms, sizes, and colors. Its not about what we have, its about what we do with what we have. Its about the choices that we make and the promises that we keep. Life is about loving each other no matter what is done to us. Life is about loving unconditionaly and with out cause to judge. Life is about never forgetting who you are, where you come from, or any of the gifts god has given to you. So make the best of the life that you were given. Never take anthing or anyone for granted. Never let the fear of being hurt keep you locked up behind your walls. Never ever be afraid to love because who knows, love might be one thing that gets you through this game of life.

Life and death

Life and death, energy and peace, if it all stoped today it was still worth it? I might say yes, but part of me screams hell no! Even all the terrible mistakes that I made and would gladly unmake if given the chance. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, was it really worth it to be told that I was wanted and loved? No. Not so much. For having someone near me and close to my heart, for finding out what fake love, cheating love, hostile love was all about. That was my hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above it.

I never thought. :)

I never thought you would hurt me this way. I never thought you would make me feel so bad. I never thought you would make me feel used. How could I have put so much trust and faith in you. How could I have allowed you to be in my life for so long, and only have you take from me. What have you ever done for me, that was not for your own gain? Nothing at all! When have you ever thought about anyone but your self? Never!
So to you, I'm done. I'm done being used. I'm just plain done.
I never thought I would be the kind of woman who would fall for a fool like you.

Never again

Ok last summer/spring/ and some part of the winter I was dating this guy. He worked a lot and he made time for me when he could but in the end I don't think it was worth the complications.
We went to dinner, movies, for long walks, friends houses, and we even went shopping. But it was not that often. I knew he worked a hell of a lot and he loved his job but I felt like I had a marriage. Once we got use to eachother all we did was stay in the house constantly. It was fun at first but after awhile it got boring.
It did not seem to bother him but I'm not the kind of person who can stay in the house all the time.
The thing is he would get mad when I went out with friends just because he could not go. I guess he wanted me to stay home if he could not be with me.
I know a lot of women who feel the same as I do. We don't want to keep the dating in the house all the time. Like I said, it ok sometimes but we don't want it to become a habbit.
I am happy that relationship did not work out for many many reasons. Some kno what went down and some don't and I'm keeping it that way. Let's just say I'm not going to limit myself for a guy.
This summer/fall/winter I'm not going to date someone who does not have time for me or who does not know how to make the time. When your with someone your are suppose to make time for them, and that goes both ways. You are with that person so even if you don't like something and they do, its sweet to do it anyway. It makes them feel special and who knows what you will get in return.
I loved hanging out with my guy last year but I changed who I was to make him happy. We should never have to change who we are to make someone happy.
So now that I'm hanging/dating or doing what ever we're doing I'm not going to change me.
Never change for anyone. Never lose your self for someone. Never become who they want or what they are looking for. Never ever give in.
xoxo

"no puedo vivir sin mi vida, yo no puedo llive sin mi alma"

OK, my friend kyle came back tonight and i was not expecting him back till Tuesday. he called me not too long ago and asked if i could come over or if he could come and pick me up. i told him that i was going to be busy for most of the night, but he said that the time did not matter and that he just needed to see me. the funny thing is he has never asked me could he come over, he just always showed up. that makes me wonder what happened while he was away. it has me worried. i want to know whats in his head. i also want him to know that i'm not going to come running when he calls. but then again he has always come to me when i called on him. so maybe it is my turn to run.
we are just friends because of reasons that's between him and i. i like that he is my friend and i know how he is and i know i can't make him behave he has to want to do it. i learned that when it comes to men and friendships you can't change them if they don't want to change. you just have to love and care for them for who they are and if you can't then maybe the friendship was just not meant to be. men in general are very fickle creatures. they are wild and all over the place until they find what or who can tame them.
kyle is one of the guys in my life that make me cringe. he does not know what he wants or hell sometimes he does not know who he wants to be.
him and i are both on the same team. we are both single, somewhat happy, and almost from time to time a little too close for comfort.
at this point in my life I'm happy being single (for now) because i have no one to answer to, no one to make happy, and no one calling and checking up on me. so for now i am going to enjoy my single hood, because i know once it is gone I'm going to miss the freedom.
"no puedo vivir sin mi vida, yo no puedo llive sin mi alma"

Life

Life is funny sometimes. Just when you think you are good, life gives you hell. I mean, for my self I have been about 50/50. Some days I feel like crying and other days I feel great. But lately I have had more of the sad lost feeling. I had someone that I love hurt my feelings a few days ago and it has really gotten to me. I am trying to move past it but it was a very deep cut.
I try to have a happy face for those around me but if you know me, you can tell the difference. I don't like to bring others down with my problem because I know my friends and family have their own to deal with. I am a or I try to be good but sometimes I have those days when I just don't give a damn. And sometimes I think that's ok.
While I was trying to fix my pain, I ran into someone I have not seen in about 3yrs. I must say seeing him put bad thoughts into my brain. We got along well for the most part but the tention between us could sway me anyday. I knew that I did not want to start anything that I was too chicken to finish. But part of me, was like what's the worse that could happen? I could get hurt that's what could happen. But I am already hurting so what's one more pain to handle right now. But I kept me cool but boy oh boy I took it as far as my mind would let me.
Like I said before life can be very tempting. It can be hard but we have to decide how we want to deal.
So if you need to yell, then my dear yell your hearts out. If you want to cry, cry untill you run dry. And if you want to give in to what you know you should not, just be safe about it.
Right now I have tears in my eyes and I don't know why.
Xoxo

My friend

It has been awhile since I have been on here, but to be honest I have not had much to say. I have been going through a lot with one of my friends and trying to figure out what to do about what's going on. He is lost in his own world and he does not know up from down. We have been spending time together, talking, laughing and just clearing the air, but he is still keeping something major from me. It bothers me because we tell each other everything in our lives or at at least I thought we did. I don't keep anything from him no matter how painfull it might be. He is like my living journal. So why does he feel the need to keep me in the dark and keep me worried about him? Why can't men be like women and just talk about their feelings? I guess if they did that they wouild thing of them selves as being weak. If find it funny tho, because for someone who is keep something from me has no problem with coming to my place at random hours waking me from my slumber because he can't sleep. I don't mind because my door is always open to my friends just like my phone is always on also.
I don't know what the future holds for our friendship but I do know this, I love him, I care about his heart, and his soul and there's nothing that I would not do for him or anyone of my friends who needs me. I just hope he knows that no matter what I will always be there for him as he has been there for me.
So I say this never take a friend for granted and never make them feel unwanted. Never push your self on them either, because they might just tell you what you don't want to hear.
I learned this with my friend. I am there for him. I am his shelter from his fears and I am his bff. I never judge and I am always understanding no matter how tired I might be. For my friends who really need to talk there is no such thing as calling to late.
Xoxoxo

A repost(not from my phone)

When you love yourself, you won't have to depend on the love of others.
When you love yourself, no one can make you feel bad about you.
When you love yourself, you know god is truly in your heart. No one loves you more than he does.
When you love yourself, you will never let a man nor woman put their hands on you.
When you love yourself, you can hold your own no matter what.
We all have the ability to love ourselves, we just have to be open and know that that's the only love that matters.
I am loving me for me, before I let someone love me without truly knowing me.
Xoxo

Are you real or fake?

If you had to guess, what would your friends say about you? What do they think about you when your not around? Do they smile in your face, and when your gone they forget your even alive?
Hmmm, i think my friends would call me shy, timid, and a way to nice to people who don't deserve my kindness.. What they think about me when i am not around, well i cant tell you that because i don't know. I know that we all have friends that keep us around for there own personal gain, but hey thats life. I'm not like that. I think friends are friends know matter what. If they are good friends they will be there for you when you need them, and not just when they need you..
I know we all have that one friend that makes us wonder why we are even friends. I know some people look at friendship in many different lights..
If we were all honest with the people in our lives then things would not be so complicated..
If you have a friend thats pulling away, think about why they might be pulling away. maybe its something YOU did. If they want to go, let them go.
You cant lean on them, because you think if you do it will make them want to stay around.
Real friends don't play tricks on each other. Real friends talk not only when things are good but also when things are bad.
SO, are you a real friend? Or are you just a_________?

how do you?

how do you tell someone new that your life is not promised? how do you tell them your heart is literarily giving up on you? How do you tell someone that you care about i might just be a waste of your time? Thats my question for all of you. How do you tell someone that likes you and someone that you, like that life might not be so easy if you chose to be with me? sometimes it makes me cry to know that every time i meet someone i have to have this conversation. it is so hard because they come at me with all these questions that i some times can not answer. most of the time they take it well and sometimes they look at me like i have disease that they can catch, if they get too close to me. They only thing that i have that someone can catch from me is Love. I take my life and my health very seriously. thats why i don't have time for fake people. everyone that i let in is so special to me. they hold a space in my heart and as some of you may know thats my problem, my heart is too big and i am not speaking figuratively. So how do i look into someone's eyes and say that i am living on borrowed time?
some of you reading this know all about my problem and some of you don't, so to those who don't feel free to ask any questions. I have learned to live my life on a daily basis because thats all i have to give. sometimes i might not call but thats because i don't want to burden you with my problems and my fears. sometimes i get so caught up, i forget that i have to take care of me. thats is why i don't like when people are mad at me or when people stop talking to me for no reason. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and i just want to run and get away from it all.
i think thats why i am s nice. i think that in my mind i figure if i am nice enough and if i try to make others happy, then i could have the life that i want. if i could just do enough but i know i cant. i know that my life is in god's hands and only he knows when my time is up.
i will admit that i do get depressed and i do have days when all i want to do is cry and feel sorry for myself, but i don't. I try to be a good friend, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, and sister. I try to be the person that god made and wants me to be. sometimes i get mad at god for doing this to me and for putting me in all this pain. but have come to grips with the realization that god does not give us things that we can not handle.
I just had to get that off my chest. sorry if it depressed you and i am sorry if i told you something that you don't want to hear.
XOXOXO-Tiffany

3-3-09

my eyes are closed and my heart is open to all the possibilities of life. my heart is full of wonder and pain and i cant find the places where i belong. this is how i feel some times, like i don't fit or cant find my own space in life. day after day i ponder all the ways i can make things better. i wonder if i made the wrong choices or even picked the wrong people to be in my life. i count the number of mistakes and regrets that i have and i must say there are not that many, but enough to make me wonder. I am happy, don't miss read but i am so confused about life and all that has happened or all that i have gone through. it is soo hard for me to trust when i have been hurt soo many times in the past. i think about all the things that i have done wrong, and i know that i have done wrong, but i am only human. i will make mistakes along the way on this hard road that we call life, but i will be the first one to say that i am sorry. there will be a time when i might cry but hey i am thats me and sometimes a good cry is good for the soul. if you know me and really know me, you will know that i am not depressed i am just speaking from my heart and from my inner most self.
xoxoxo-love life

And update

Ok, I know it has been a while but I have really been stressed out. As some of you may know my life has been turned upside down. I have found a grip to hold. On to and I must say that now I am ok. I have been sad and I think I have had every right to be but now I am happy as can be. I am as giddy as a little school girl. If you are reading this and you know me, you know that does not happen often. I have been taken under the wings of my family and I love them dearly for being there for me. I love my family and I am happy to know that they stand by me no matter what. My friends have been good to me and they have listened when I needed to clear my head. They have shown me that my efforts have not gone unnoticed and that they care for me as much as I do for them.
To all you who might be reading this, I say be good to those you love because you never know when you will need a galping hand. Keep a strong hand out and open to those who need you and never be judgemental. Keep a ear open to those you love because you never know when they might say something you don't want to miss.
That's all for now. To my friends and I love you and I will talk to you soon. To the random strangers who read my blog keep coming back, who knows I might have some good advise for you to.
Xoxoxo-love life

the fictional man

In this world that we live in, is there really a perfect man? Does he really exist, as he does in the many books that we read? If he did, would he truly understand and want a woman is worth? I hope so. If he did not what is the point in dreaming, if all we get in the end is a broken heart…
Fictional books are here to give us hope, or at least that’s what I think.. They give us something to believe in, when we think all is lost, when nothing seems to make sense to us anymore.. The men in these books are strong, understanding, loving, kind, and above anything else they are compassionate.. They are also dark, mysterious, and a little dangerous. They know what we want and they know how to look deep into our souls and make us melt.. They know how to seduce us, without filling our heads with meaningless lies. These fictional men are always saying and doing the right things. I know they are just fictional. Nevertheless, the more I read; it seems the more jaded I become. The more I let myself feel the words, the more I tend to expect from the men in my reality.
I have been reading these books, and let me tell you, they have me looking for a different kind of man. I want the kind of man who will put me first, in his life but not above god. I want the kind of man who will make me feel like I am the only thing in his world. I want a man who will tell me that he is not strong enough to walk away. I want him to look at me as if I am the prize that he has been waiting for his whole life. I want him to love me so much that when he tried to take the words back, it would be the darkest day of his life. Lol, yes I know that sounds crazy but when women love, that is how it is.
The fictional man, what can I say he has left me a little twisted? He has left me wanting more for my life, more for my female friends, and he has left me expecting more from the men in my reality.
In the end, all I really want is a man who knows who he is. I want a man, who from time to time shows me that his life would not be complete if not for me.
I guess until I find that mystery man of mine, I will keep reading and falling for the fictional men in my life..
I guess all the other women in the world will be with me as well. We will keep or books close to us in the hopes that one day they might be replaced by, well the real thing, a non-fictional man.
I will keep my fingers crossed, my heart safe, and my mind open…

the masochist in me

for those of you who know me, know that i can handle pain well.. i am a masochist and i know this. i don't have to guess thats just who i am. i don't invite pain into my life but when it comes i don't fight it. sometimes the pain of being broken helps me feel alive in ways that i could never imagine. In no way am i saying i am a sadist, i am just saying, if you cant handle a little pain than life is going to be hard. i have been broken and cut down by people who i have loved, but if they really loved me they would not have done that to me.i also say i am a masochist, because you know when you see you are going to be hurt by something or someone and you keep at it, you are asking for what you get. i don't go looking for the things that are going to hurt me, they just seem to keep finding me. when it comes to my friends and family i am a pacifist. i don't like to fight, because i really don't see the point in doing so.
why does it seem like the kinder you are, the more pain or crap you go through? i guess it is because the a-holes of the world get a kick out of breaking the nice people down. on the other hand, when you are the opposite of nice, people treat you that way. i guess in life you can never really win. the nice people get crushed and the other people just get what they put out..
i am going to start listening to the people who love me the most, because i know they know what's best. i am going to start fighting for the things that i want. i am going to start telling people that if they don't like or can't take me for who i am than i am sorry. I am going to live my life for myself and god, because he will get me through anything...

un-titled

Life-Love-Drama-Complications, is the title of my blog, but i have found out recently that it is true to form...
life is complicated enough as it is, with all the drama that, work, school, and relationships bring to the table. why do some of us go out looking for more?
love, is a big open word. love means many things to many people.i love you means that i care about your well being. it can mean i cant live my life with out you in it in some way. it can also mean, i am in love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you. this small four letter word can hurt or it can heal a persons heart, soul, and mind..
drama is a word that some of us wish we never even heard of. it carries so much confusion and unwanted stress. drama can make people crazy, foolish, and makes people do things that they would not normally do..
take some advice from me please, and try to apply it to your life.. don't let your past influence your future.. don't ever think that you are not loved or wanted, because as long as you have friends in your life and close family, thats something you never have to question.. don't cut your self down because you don't think you are good enough.. don't ever say that you wish you were better, because others have what you don 't, just try to work a little harder to get what you want.
so, if you don't think you are loved, i am here to tell you that you are.. if you don't think you have friends, well i can only speak for me, you will always have a friend in me. so n matter where life takes all of us, we just have to hold on to our souls.

dreams

dreams have a way of telling us what we dont want to hear. they are a window into our inter-most desires and our fears. i had a dream that did not scare me but it woke me up from a deep sleep. in my dream, i was happy. i was so deep in love that i did not even realize that it was a dream. it felt so real and i was so happy, it almost hurt to wake up...i guess because my life is so crazy that my dreams are my only outlet.
i thought my love life was fading but thats only because i wont give in to the person who loves me the most. to the person who is always a constant in my life. yes he has hurt me and yes i have hurt him, but thats what people do. lol, i changed the subject, lets get back to the dream.
his hand curved around me elbow, moving slowly down my arm,across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my my hip and down my leg, around my knee. he pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip. he pulled me closer to him as if he were trying to conceal me from the pain that was around us. keeping me from from all the hurt that he has caused me. he made me feel safe in his arms and loved. he traced my face and at the same time he whispered i am sorry i hurt you, and i am sorry i left you.
this dream went on for what seemed like days. when i woke up i was happy and i almost felt like i could truly forgive,all because of a dream. i wish it was that easy. i wish i could be that open. all my dream told me was that i missed him in my life and in my heart. maybe one day we will find our way back to each other or maybe not, but i do know this i cant shut down because of past pain. i have to be open to new love, but if the past comes back to me well then, so be it.

happy 09!

i know i am late, oh well sue me. i hope everyone had a safe and happy new year. I hope that your year did not end on bad terms and i hope that you got to make amends for any wrong doings that you might have caused.i think that the way you start the new year off is a key to how you will continue on through out the year.

i feel blessed to be able to see another year and i hope to see many more to come. there are people that have passed that i will forever miss but they will always have a place in my heart. in 08 there was pain, heartache, and loss, but on the other hand there was friendship, love, and loyalty. 2009 is only five days old, so if there are corrections you want to make i think you still have time. if there are things about your self that you don't like change them now!if you are doing things that hurt others in away that you don't want to be hurt well then stop! if you know that your life could be better, well than you know what you have to do to fix it.
2009 holds so many possibilities, but if you don't look for them and except them you will be forever lost.
here is a list of things i want you to say to people. i cant promise much but i can say this when saying these words, you will make someone feel so much better about them selves.
1.say i am sorry for
a. not loving you.
b. leaving you when you needed me the most.
c. not see what was right inb front of my eyes.
2.say i love you.
3.say i forgive you.
4.say you are my best friend.
5.say god has blessed my life and now i want to be a blessing in yours.
6.say look after my heart for i have left a piece of it with you.
7.say keep your self safe, because your life is more precious than you know.