how do you?

how do you tell someone new that your life is not promised? how do you tell them your heart is literarily giving up on you? How do you tell someone that you care about i might just be a waste of your time? Thats my question for all of you. How do you tell someone that likes you and someone that you, like that life might not be so easy if you chose to be with me? sometimes it makes me cry to know that every time i meet someone i have to have this conversation. it is so hard because they come at me with all these questions that i some times can not answer. most of the time they take it well and sometimes they look at me like i have disease that they can catch, if they get too close to me. They only thing that i have that someone can catch from me is Love. I take my life and my health very seriously. thats why i don't have time for fake people. everyone that i let in is so special to me. they hold a space in my heart and as some of you may know thats my problem, my heart is too big and i am not speaking figuratively. So how do i look into someone's eyes and say that i am living on borrowed time?
some of you reading this know all about my problem and some of you don't, so to those who don't feel free to ask any questions. I have learned to live my life on a daily basis because thats all i have to give. sometimes i might not call but thats because i don't want to burden you with my problems and my fears. sometimes i get so caught up, i forget that i have to take care of me. thats is why i don't like when people are mad at me or when people stop talking to me for no reason. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and i just want to run and get away from it all.
i think thats why i am s nice. i think that in my mind i figure if i am nice enough and if i try to make others happy, then i could have the life that i want. if i could just do enough but i know i cant. i know that my life is in god's hands and only he knows when my time is up.
i will admit that i do get depressed and i do have days when all i want to do is cry and feel sorry for myself, but i don't. I try to be a good friend, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, and sister. I try to be the person that god made and wants me to be. sometimes i get mad at god for doing this to me and for putting me in all this pain. but have come to grips with the realization that god does not give us things that we can not handle.
I just had to get that off my chest. sorry if it depressed you and i am sorry if i told you something that you don't want to hear.
XOXOXO-Tiffany