Life

Life is funny sometimes. Just when you think you are good, life gives you hell. I mean, for my self I have been about 50/50. Some days I feel like crying and other days I feel great. But lately I have had more of the sad lost feeling. I had someone that I love hurt my feelings a few days ago and it has really gotten to me. I am trying to move past it but it was a very deep cut.
I try to have a happy face for those around me but if you know me, you can tell the difference. I don't like to bring others down with my problem because I know my friends and family have their own to deal with. I am a or I try to be good but sometimes I have those days when I just don't give a damn. And sometimes I think that's ok.
While I was trying to fix my pain, I ran into someone I have not seen in about 3yrs. I must say seeing him put bad thoughts into my brain. We got along well for the most part but the tention between us could sway me anyday. I knew that I did not want to start anything that I was too chicken to finish. But part of me, was like what's the worse that could happen? I could get hurt that's what could happen. But I am already hurting so what's one more pain to handle right now. But I kept me cool but boy oh boy I took it as far as my mind would let me.
Like I said before life can be very tempting. It can be hard but we have to decide how we want to deal.
So if you need to yell, then my dear yell your hearts out. If you want to cry, cry untill you run dry. And if you want to give in to what you know you should not, just be safe about it.
Right now I have tears in my eyes and I don't know why.
Xoxo

My friend

It has been awhile since I have been on here, but to be honest I have not had much to say. I have been going through a lot with one of my friends and trying to figure out what to do about what's going on. He is lost in his own world and he does not know up from down. We have been spending time together, talking, laughing and just clearing the air, but he is still keeping something major from me. It bothers me because we tell each other everything in our lives or at at least I thought we did. I don't keep anything from him no matter how painfull it might be. He is like my living journal. So why does he feel the need to keep me in the dark and keep me worried about him? Why can't men be like women and just talk about their feelings? I guess if they did that they wouild thing of them selves as being weak. If find it funny tho, because for someone who is keep something from me has no problem with coming to my place at random hours waking me from my slumber because he can't sleep. I don't mind because my door is always open to my friends just like my phone is always on also.
I don't know what the future holds for our friendship but I do know this, I love him, I care about his heart, and his soul and there's nothing that I would not do for him or anyone of my friends who needs me. I just hope he knows that no matter what I will always be there for him as he has been there for me.
So I say this never take a friend for granted and never make them feel unwanted. Never push your self on them either, because they might just tell you what you don't want to hear.
I learned this with my friend. I am there for him. I am his shelter from his fears and I am his bff. I never judge and I am always understanding no matter how tired I might be. For my friends who really need to talk there is no such thing as calling to late.
Xoxoxo