Taken from my journal- life

Life comes in many forms, sizes, and colors. Its not about what we have, its about what we do with what we have. Its about the choices that we make and the promises that we keep. Life is about loving each other no matter what is done to us. Life is about loving unconditionaly and with out cause to judge. Life is about never forgetting who you are, where you come from, or any of the gifts god has given to you. So make the best of the life that you were given. Never take anthing or anyone for granted. Never let the fear of being hurt keep you locked up behind your walls. Never ever be afraid to love because who knows, love might be one thing that gets you through this game of life.

Life and death

Life and death, energy and peace, if it all stoped today it was still worth it? I might say yes, but part of me screams hell no! Even all the terrible mistakes that I made and would gladly unmake if given the chance. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, was it really worth it to be told that I was wanted and loved? No. Not so much. For having someone near me and close to my heart, for finding out what fake love, cheating love, hostile love was all about. That was my hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above it.

I never thought. :)

I never thought you would hurt me this way. I never thought you would make me feel so bad. I never thought you would make me feel used. How could I have put so much trust and faith in you. How could I have allowed you to be in my life for so long, and only have you take from me. What have you ever done for me, that was not for your own gain? Nothing at all! When have you ever thought about anyone but your self? Never!
So to you, I'm done. I'm done being used. I'm just plain done.
I never thought I would be the kind of woman who would fall for a fool like you.

Never again

Ok last summer/spring/ and some part of the winter I was dating this guy. He worked a lot and he made time for me when he could but in the end I don't think it was worth the complications.
We went to dinner, movies, for long walks, friends houses, and we even went shopping. But it was not that often. I knew he worked a hell of a lot and he loved his job but I felt like I had a marriage. Once we got use to eachother all we did was stay in the house constantly. It was fun at first but after awhile it got boring.
It did not seem to bother him but I'm not the kind of person who can stay in the house all the time.
The thing is he would get mad when I went out with friends just because he could not go. I guess he wanted me to stay home if he could not be with me.
I know a lot of women who feel the same as I do. We don't want to keep the dating in the house all the time. Like I said, it ok sometimes but we don't want it to become a habbit.
I am happy that relationship did not work out for many many reasons. Some kno what went down and some don't and I'm keeping it that way. Let's just say I'm not going to limit myself for a guy.
This summer/fall/winter I'm not going to date someone who does not have time for me or who does not know how to make the time. When your with someone your are suppose to make time for them, and that goes both ways. You are with that person so even if you don't like something and they do, its sweet to do it anyway. It makes them feel special and who knows what you will get in return.
I loved hanging out with my guy last year but I changed who I was to make him happy. We should never have to change who we are to make someone happy.
So now that I'm hanging/dating or doing what ever we're doing I'm not going to change me.
Never change for anyone. Never lose your self for someone. Never become who they want or what they are looking for. Never ever give in.
xoxo

"no puedo vivir sin mi vida, yo no puedo llive sin mi alma"

OK, my friend kyle came back tonight and i was not expecting him back till Tuesday. he called me not too long ago and asked if i could come over or if he could come and pick me up. i told him that i was going to be busy for most of the night, but he said that the time did not matter and that he just needed to see me. the funny thing is he has never asked me could he come over, he just always showed up. that makes me wonder what happened while he was away. it has me worried. i want to know whats in his head. i also want him to know that i'm not going to come running when he calls. but then again he has always come to me when i called on him. so maybe it is my turn to run.
we are just friends because of reasons that's between him and i. i like that he is my friend and i know how he is and i know i can't make him behave he has to want to do it. i learned that when it comes to men and friendships you can't change them if they don't want to change. you just have to love and care for them for who they are and if you can't then maybe the friendship was just not meant to be. men in general are very fickle creatures. they are wild and all over the place until they find what or who can tame them.
kyle is one of the guys in my life that make me cringe. he does not know what he wants or hell sometimes he does not know who he wants to be.
him and i are both on the same team. we are both single, somewhat happy, and almost from time to time a little too close for comfort.
at this point in my life I'm happy being single (for now) because i have no one to answer to, no one to make happy, and no one calling and checking up on me. so for now i am going to enjoy my single hood, because i know once it is gone I'm going to miss the freedom.
"no puedo vivir sin mi vida, yo no puedo llive sin mi alma"